Goodbye West Tower, Hello Rehab!

Goodbyes are always hard. For over 6 months our family has dreamed of the day that we would get to say goodbye to the West Tower of Ochsner’s hospital. I’ve said over and over “I won’t ever miss this place and don’t care if I ever see it again”. Although most of that is true, this goodbye is still hard. It isn’t because any of this journey has been fun or even enjoyable, it’s because the people we met along the way are ones we’ve come to love. We can not thank the staff of Ochsner enough. The Love you have surrounded our family with will never be forgotten and you will never be forgotten. You will forever be a part of our family. From the constant medical care to the “Holla if you can Swalla” parties to the Sunshine Therapy and “beauty bucket” gifts, we are blessed. We will never be able to repay you for the Love you’ve given my Mom and family. I wish so bad I could list out each one of you, but I couldn’t because I can promise I would forget someone. Just know that you guys are forever in our hearts and we love you so so BIG!

Today we celebrate because the prayers we’ve said and begged the Lord for have been answered. Mom is moving to rehab today. Emotional can’t even begin to explain me right now. A miracle. A complete Jesus performed miracle is what my Mom is. Through her, Jesus has shown the world just what He is capable of. We read stories in the Bible of the Lord raising the dead, the lame to walk, the blind to see, parting the Red Sea... but how often in today’s world do we get to see with our own eyes a complete unexplainable miracle? I can say that I have. I saw with my own eyes the Lord touch my Mom’s body and completely bring to life limbs that were dying. He’s steadied a heart that was beating too fast and out of rhythm. He’s stopped a bleed that couldn’t be stopped on its own. Y’all.. I could go on for days. What Has been done in her life can only be explained by Jesus, and the best thing about all of this is I have complete faith that He’s NOT done. We have so much more of Him to witness. Thankful. I’m so thankful.

Back when things were really rough with Mom. I was sitting on the floor in the ICU waiting room and I said out loud to the room full of people “If the Lord will just heal my Mom, I promise I will spend every waking moment of my life telling the world of his Faithfulness”. Recently, I’ve thought about that moment a lot and wondered if I’m living up to the promise I made Him.
I want everyone who ever reads this blog to know just how much Jesus loves you. I’ve always known He loved His children, but this experience has brought the greatness of his Love to a whole new light. I want you to know, that no matter what you are going through you never have to do it alone. Allowing Jesus to hold you in your worst and best times will be the best decision you’ve ever made. That is fact and something I can whole heartedly promise you. If you don’t know Jesus, I’d love to help you get to know Him. Please call me, text me, message me or just show up at my house. I’m never too busy to share with you about His Love and I promise I could talk about what He’s done in my life for hours. He’s so good y’all, and like I promised Him back in December, I will spend the rest of my life shouting His goodness to the rooftops!

Mom will be starting her rehab at Ochsner’s rehab for the first few weeks to be sure she is 100% ready. After she gets comfortable and Our Lady of the Lake gets trained in LVAD care, she will be transferred to Baton Rouge. The next few weeks will be extremely enduring for Mom. Rehab is gonna be hard. Please continue to pray for her strength and that we don’t encounter anymore complications. Mom still has a long road of recovery ahead of her. I have no doubt, though, that she’s got this and so does God. We love you all so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Brighter Days Ahead

These last few weeks have been extra hard for our family. So many milestones and events have taken place and each one is just as difficult as the one before. It has now been 6 months that Mom has been in the hospital. Six months that have both flown by and drug on. Part of me is shocked that it’s already been six months but then the other part of me is like “Is this nightmare ever going to end?”. I’ve come to realize that it’s not anytime soon. This is our new reality for the foreseeable future. Once we get Mom out of the hospital, we will have weeks and probably months of Rehab ahead of her. After that, we will start the waiting process for a

heart transplant. The days ahead are overwhelming for all of us, especially Mom. So, for now all we can do is live day to day and focus on the immediate goal ahead. For now, that goal is rehab. 

This week the doctors came in saying they felt Mom was ready to go to rehab. This is a huge win for us and something we are all celebrating. Tomorrow, she will be evaluated by rehab to see if they feel she is ready. Please pray that tomorrow is full of strength for her and that rehab will give us the green light. 

For months we have discussed where Mom will be going for rehab. Having an LVAD throws a huge wrench in choosing a facility. Technically, no rehab facility in Baton Rouge will accept someone with an LVAD as a patient. Our Lady of Lake is considering accepting Mom, though. It would be the biggest blessing to our family to get Mom to Baton Rouge. My Grannie and my Dad are killing themselves making sure Mom is never left alone. Getting Mom in Baton Rouge, would allow more of the family to help and give Grannie and Dad a break. Please pray that the Lord’s will be done in this situation. We absolutely want Mom to have the best care possible, but we also want her closer to home. My prayer is that we can have both.  

Mom is finally starting to seem more like herself. It is obvious to all of us now, that the abdominal surgery she had was a must. It completely changed the way she’s recovering. For the first time in six months, Mom is able to eat and enjoy food without awful stomach pain. We are so thankful that the surgery was successful and complication free. Praise the Lord! 

So many of you have gone above and beyond to bless our family. It never fails, anytime I go anywhere and see someone I know they ask about Mom. It means so much to me that people are still caring and praying. Many of you know that Mom is one of the directors of Central Community Theatre. She, Grannie and my Aunt Karen started the theatre in 2007 and have spent the years since pouring into and loving on every child that walked through that door. Mom adores her CCT kids and, y’all, they adore her. Days before her surgery those kids prayed fiercely over my Mom. I’ve never seen kids pray for someone like these kids did. They truly love their Cookie. After all of Mom’s complications, many of the CCT kids wanted to do something for her and they (with the help of Claire, Aunt Karen and Melissa Beatty) decided to host a Broadway Cabaret Benefit in honor of Mom. Aren’t they precious? The Cabaret will be June 8th and will be held at Abundant Life Church. You can buy tickets at centralcommunitytheatre.org and all of the proceeds will go towards things to help with Mom’s recovery. These kids have worked for weeks on their performance and let me be the first to tell you how amazing they are!! I’ve been shown “sneak peek” videos and these kids are rockstars. Let’s support “Cookie” and give them a packed house. 

We love each one of you so much. Thank you for your prayers and following our story. The Lord’s not done here yet and I can’t wait to continue to share with you the miracles He’s performing. 

Another Giant

Ever since Mom’s latest episode, things haven’t been the same. Between her confusion, stomach pain, anxiety, and everything else.. she has severely struggled. This morning the doctors decided that in order to keep her progress moving forward, they would need to bite the bullet and do exploratory abdominal surgery. So, tomorrow around lunch time Mom will have surgery to try to repair whatever is causing this excruciating stomach pain.

All day I have struggled with this news and asked “Why?” over and over. Why are we faced, yet again, with another serious road block? Why have we had literally every complication in the book plus some? Why is my Mom still in the hospital after 20+ weeks? Why? Why? Why? It’s extremely frustrating to me that my poor Mom is going to be undergoing another serious surgery. The fear I feel is indescribable and overwhelming. The thought of sitting in that surgery waiting room again is sickening. I’m exhausted.. our whole family is exhausted. Today, all I’ve wanted to do is wallow in self pity. I’ve wanted to kick a wall or hit someone. I’ve wanted to lock myself in the closet and scream.. and to be honest, I might do that later tonight. I’ve decided that tonight I will allow myself to be mad and frustrated, but tomorrow I will pull up my big girl pants and face the giant that lies ahead of us. The Lord has been so faithful to us through this experience. My heart knows this and I truly believe that He will continue to be faithful and be right beside us tomorrow helping us defeat the giant.

Tonight I ask all my friends to continue to pray for us. Especially tomorrow while Mom’s in surgery. Please pray specifically for Mom and her surgeons. We are believing for an easy surgery and no complications. We are also believing that this bump in the road is just another chapter in Mom’s testimony. Tonight as I go to bed I’m declaring that tomorrow is going to be another day full miracles. Please join me in declaring that. We love you all and will update you as soon as Mom is out of surgery.

Urgent Prayer Request

This morning I woke up to a phone call from Grannie saying I needed to get up to the hospital. Mom was unresponsive and wouldn’t wake up. 

We aren’t sure what’s going on or what happened. All we know is Mom won’t open her eyes or respond to command. She’s asleep and we can’t get her to wake up. They have done a CT scan of her head and it was clear. One thing that’s for sure, is she didn’t have a stroke. The doctors are working together to try and figure out what’s going on. Her bloodwork looks mostly ok except that her kidneys seems to have taken a “hit” and she is anemic. They have given her 2 units of blood and are working to try and kickstart her kidneys again. It seems the current “guess” on what has happened was her kidneys took a hit from a high heart episode and contrast that was given to her for the CT scan three days ago. The kidneys have slowed and aren’t filtering out the toxins in her blood which is what has caused this sleep state she seems to be in. This is just the doctors guess. They aren’t 100% sure this is what the problem is. On top of all of this, she is still having her stomach issues and that hasn’t been resolved. So for now we are being moved back to ICU and they are changing her medicines around to try and help the kidneys do their job. 

Please pray that this is the answer. Please pray that this problem will be fixed quickly and painlessly. We are all scared and so upset. We have come so far and this is very discouraging to us. Please pray that Mom will wake up soon and we can all hear her voice. We will do our best to update you guys as soon as we know more information. Thank you for loving and praying us through this journey. 

All the Proof You Need

It’s been 20 weeks since I’ve received a phone call from my Mom. Twenty weeks since we’ve chit chatted on the phone about things other than how she feels or what the doctors said. This week that changed. Of course, I still asked how she felt, but for most of the conversation we talked about the kids and what was going on at home. This sort of normalcy is something I once took for granted. I never appreciated those pointless phone calls that I would receive a few times a day to discuss things that didn’t even matter... but for the last 20 weeks all I’ve wanted was to look down at my phone and see “Momma” come across it. This week I got that. It might seem silly or small to some but it’s huge to me.

Mom’s recovery is still moving forward. This week they were able to get rid of the wound vac on her leg. It had started closing and that was one of the things keeping us from moving to rehab. We are so pleased with the progress of that wound.

Over the last few weeks Mom had struggled with stomach issues. She went so long without any sort of food or drink by mouth and getting her “stomach” working correctly again has been a struggle ever since they have allowed her to have food by mouth or peg tube. This week the surgeons found a spot in her small bowel that has caused concern. They aren’t really sure exactly what it is or what has caused it. They believe it’s a partial obstruction of the small bowel. Last Sunday they put her on a 7 day fast to see if it would resolve itself. Last night, they did another CT scan and we were told this morning that there was no change. The surgeons are suppose to be meeting this weekend to discuss what they will do about it. In a normal, healthy patient surgery would have already been done, but they didn’t want to have to put mom through that since she’s such a high risk with all she has going on. Unfortunately, the chance of surgery is high and it looks like that might be our only option. Please pray for the team of doctors as they discuss what the best course of action is to resolve this problem. Please pray the Lord will either completely heal Mom or that He will give the doctors the wisdom they need to fix this problem as easily as possible. We can’t handle anymore setbacks.

This week I have been extremely down thinking about how another holiday is coming up and it will be another holiday without Mom home. Never in a million years would I have thought that we wouldn’t have Mom home for Easter. When they scheduled her surgery for December 6, our goal was to get her home for Christmas. Then after her complications, I hoped to have her home for my birthday on January 27th. When that didn’t happen I prayed and begged to have her home for Eleanor’s birth, and now here we are the end of April and she’s still not home. It’s seems the days are just getting longer and just when we think we are moving to rehab something else surfaces to keep us from getting there. It’s so easy to get discouraged. Recently, I have been able to visit more often because Mom is on a floor that allows me to bring the kids in the room. Mom begs and looks forward to these visits. They make this horrible situation a little more bearable for her and i do my best to make them happen at least once a week.

I recently posted a video of Eleanor laying on Mom’s chest and Mom talking to her as if no one else was in the room. If you haven’t seen the video, I’ve attached it to the bottom of this blog. I’ve watched this video probably 100 times and I cry just as hard every time. Back in December, I spent my days sitting on the floor of room 77 of Ochsners ICU sobbing and grieving the loss of my Mom. Grieving the fact that my Mom would never meet my baby girl. Grieving that I would raise my babies without their Lollie who loved them almost more than I did. I grieved for my sisters who would have to get married without their Momma to help them pick out a wedding dress. I couldn’t ever imagine how I would ever be happy again. My Mom is my best friend and a life without her wasn’t imaginable. It’s not a coincidence to me that the Lord gave me this video around Easter this year. It’s a beautiful reminder of the sacrifice He made for us and that without a shadow of doubt HE IS ALIVE. He sent His son to die on the cross for me, for you and for my Mom. He sacrificed His only son so that my Mom could live. So that she could be healed and so that we could all be healed. Healed from sickness and sin. I pray this Easter that if you don’t know Jesus and what He did for you that you find a place of worship this Sunday and let them pour into you the Love that He has to offer. Yes, Jesus was crucified. He was hung on a cross with nail pierced hands and a crown of thorns on his head. He was spit on, laughed at and made to look like scum of the earth. He was laid to rest in a tomb. BUT 3 short days later He rose from the dead, rolled the stone away and joined His Father in heaven. He did all of this for me and you. He is ALIVE, He is NOT dead and what He’s done in my Mom’s life is all the proof you need.

“You made it”

Last night for the first time in three weeks I got to see Mom. It was for a short period but it was much needed. I showed her pictures of the kids and we talked all about Eleanor. Yes, you read that right we TALKED. Yesterday, Mom had her trach removed. It’s GONE! No more trach ever again. “Trach care and speaking valve” are now phrases of the past and I couldn’t be more overwhelmed with joy. When they told us they were going to have to put Mom on a trach, I cried and cried. For some reason I thought it would be a permanent thing that would keep us from hearing her voice ever again. Boy was I wrong. Last night when we were talking, if I would have closed my eyes it would have been just as if we were sitting at home. It was so normal and so easy. My heart needed it and I know hers did too.

Mom’s progress has been amazing. It blows us away daily to see what she’s accomplishing. We still have a few small hurdles to overcome and I would like to ask you to pray specifically for these things. I have found during this journey with Mom that when we go to the Lord with specific and detailed request our prayers are answered specifically. Mom has a spot on her left leg that is still trying to heal and  has a wound vac on it. Please pray that the Lord will hurry along the healing of that wound. She can’t be fitted for a prosthetic until it’s healed. Mom is also struggling with appetite and nausea. She needs to be able to eat in order to gain her strength back to participate in therapy. Mom has to be able to participate in three hours of therapy a day to be moved to rehab. This won’t happen without good nutrition giving her the strength she needs to make it through each therapy session. Please pray for her appetite and for continued strength.

Now that we are off of dialysis and the trach is gone, the light at the end of the tunnel is brighter than it has been in 4 months. We are on day 106 in the ICU. It has been such a long journey. Last night when I was up at the hospital I took a picture of this note written by Sophie on Mom’s pillow case. Back when Mom was very very ill a sweet friend of my grandparents made this pillowcase for friends  and family to sign and write a word of encouragement on. This was Sophie’s note:

“You made it”

Only by the Grace of God did she and any of us make it. With every step we took the Lord gave us a renewed strength to survive each moment of each day. Many of nights I would lay awake in the Brent House and pray that God would give me the strength to take my next breathe. The overwhelming sense of grief I felt during those beginning days is a feeling I will never forget and something that has forever changed me. Our family will never be the same. You don’t go through something like this and ever go back to the way things were before. BUT, we made it. I’ve learned through this whole experience that there is NOTHING that you can’t survive if you have Jesus. He will carry you through each battle and every heartache and you too can “Make it”. I pray today that if you are in a situation where you feel like “I’m not going to make it”, that you surrender that situation to the Lord. With Him, we can make it through anything.  My Mom and our family survived and although the road ahead is still long and Mom’s battle with heart failure is not over, we made it. We have so much to look forward to and so many memories to make. Thank you all for loving our family through these hard times. Thank you for the food, the donations, the hugs, the sweet messages and everything else so many of you did to get us to where we are today. We are blessed. I have a list a mile long of thank you notes to write and I can’t wait to personally thank each one of you for all you have done. Please continue to pray for our family as we start to prepare Mom to be moved to rehab. I would like to guess that we have a few more weeks at Ochsner before that happens, but no one really knows. We love you all so much and covet every prayer and hug that you give us. We made it guys... we made it!

Our Thing to Look Forward To...

I have tried to start this blog post for the past two days and every time I do I end up deleting what I have written and starting over. Overwhelmed doesn’t begin to explain my current feelings and to be honest I’m unable to find a word or statement that does. For those of you who aren’t my Facebook friend, on Sunday night at 9:27PM I unexpectedly delivered my precious baby girl 7 weeks early. Our “thing to look forward to” is here and although she has some mountains to climb, she’s perfect.

So many people have texted, messaged and called asking what happened? To be honest, we really don’t know. Like I said in my last post, we have been so blessed that this pregnancy was nothing like my last. I’ve been healthy and have had no complications. It all started Saturday night. Ryan and Sophie wanted crawfish so we went and had dinner at Duke’s in Watson with Grannie and Pops. I noticed during dinner that nothing tasted good. I didn’t feel “good” but really couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong. Later that night, I woke up and was deathly ill. Uncontrollably vomiting and nothing was making it better. Sunday morning, Ryan texted my OB and they decided I needed to go to the assessment center to get fluids to keep me from getting dehydrated. It was downhill from there. When we arrived, I was having some contractions and after being assessed we were told I was 4cm dilated, 60% effaced and in active labor. My blood pressure was also extremely high and I had gotten an awful headache. I felt terrible. They sent me straight up to labor and delivery. By the time I got up there, my contractions were so close that the doctor on call became concerned I was having a placental abruption and told us we might need to prepare for an emergency C section. They immediately gave me pain meds, nausea meds, Celestone shot for baby’s lungs, Magnesium Sulfate for baby’s neuro development and also to try and slow my contractions. Nothing they tried would slow anything down enough to hold off labor. It became evident really fast that I would be having Baby Eleanor that day. By 7:45PM I decided I would get an epidural because I was 6-7cm and progressing extremely quickly. By 9Pm I was full 10 cm and they took me to the OR to deliver baby girl. Her delivery was quick but it was confirmed that I was experiencing a placental abruption and it was by the grace of God that I delivered as quickly as I did and didn’t have more serious complications. Yet again, the Lord showed us just how gracious and loving He is. He put me and baby girl right where we needed to be at exactly the right time to be sure we were safe and taken care of. We feel so blessed.

Eleanor is pure perfection. Everytime I see her all I can think about is how I can’t wait for my Mom to hold her. I am overwhelmed with a feeling of thankfulness that even though that day is weeks away, it will happen. My baby will get to grow up with her Lollie and I couldn’t be more excited about that.

Mom is doing extremely well. The Last week has been filled with hope and good news and we celebrate daily over her accomplishments. Nephrology was excited to tell us that Mom’s kidneys are recovering. Her kidneys are producing large amounts of urine and she is needing dialysis less and less. They believe that once she is eating again and her body is getting good nutrition the days of dialysis will come to an end. This has been one of our biggest concerns and to hear the doctors be so optimistic about the recovery of her kidneys is such a blessing. Thank you Lord!

For the first time ever, we are discussing a timeline for getting her moved to rehab. Our hope is that by the end of March she will be well enough to move to a rehab facility where she will continue her physical and mental recovery. When I was told that news I literally started to jump up and down. Our light at the end of the tunnel is brighter and we are getting closer to it. What a miracle!!

Our prayers now are that Mom continues to gain strength each and every day. She’s still very weak and lifting her arms is still draining for her. She can’t yet feed herself and I know getting some independence and arm strength would do so much for her emotionally. When you pray for Mom, please pray for strength mentally and physically.

I haven’t seen Mom in over a week now and I miss her so much. I know it will be a little longer before I’m able to see her again because I can’t leave Eleanor. We will be in the NICU for a while longer and I need to be by her side. It’s been so hard having a baby and not having Mom here to experience it with me. We are so close. All I can do is rest in the hope that the days of us being separated are coming to an end. There’s a day ahead of us where we will all be home, happy, healthy and together again. Please continue to pray for our family. Pray that these days of hardship are coming to an end. I don’t know how much more we can handle. We are tired, but continuing to trust that the Lord is carrying us through every step we take. We will continue to praise Him in this storm. I quoted a song in a past blog and I’m continuing to cling to a line from it. “He brings beauty out of brokeness and hope to our heartache.” When I look at our beautiful baby girl, I can’t help but smile and remind myself that even in a life that feels so broken and full of heartache the Lord continues to show up and give us the hope and beauty we need to make it through each day. This week He gave us Eleanor and I think he knew that it was that beauty and hope we needed to make through the rest of this journey. Who am I to question His plan or timing?