He is Good!

As I write this, my sweet husband Ryan is driving me to New Orleans to spend some time with Mom.   I’m now 32 weeks pregnant and every week that passes makes it harder and harder for me to sit up at the hospital all day. We are praising God and feeling so blessed that I’m not having the same complications with this pregnancy that I did with Harrison. The Lord knows exactly what you need, and He knew that I needed a smooth pregnancy this time around. 

Grannie has been with Mom since Sunday night and does a fantastic job of caring for her. The old saying is so true, “No matter how old you get, you still need your Mom”. Mom constantly ask for Grannie and leans on her to get through every procedure and test. How blessed are we that Grannie is in such good health and able to care for Mom? Again, the Lord knows exactly what you need. 

Tuesday, Mom had a really good day. It was full of decisions that would help get Mom closer to a discharge day. We aren’t anywhere near going home, but we have lots of hurdles to get passed to get us there. Every hurdle we get passed, is a day closer to coming home.. so no matter how small the hurdle is we celebrate it. Tuesday the prosthetic people came and brought a shrinker to help shape her left leg and prepare it for a prosthetic. The doctors also gave the ok for her to have her trach downsized. Downsizing the trach is something that has to be done a few times before it’s eventually removed. This also makes the trach more comfortable for Mom. Tuesday was a good day for her. 

This morning, I got a text that Mom had spiked a fever overnight. Her white blood count had also risen significantly and she has been having a consistent stomach pain that won’t seem to go away. Today, they took her for a CT scan to try and get to the bottom of this infection and stomach pain. Please pray it’s a simple infection that will be cleared up quickly and easily. 

Mom also has some spots on her left hand and left leg that aren’t healing properly. These “sores” were caused when she was having the blood clot issues. They are basically dead tissue that we have been praying would fall off and new skin/tissue would form in its place. The Vascular surgeon came in today and cleaned the spot on her leg and packed it and have hope that it will continue to heal. The hand surgeon has plans to do the same to her hand tomorrow. Please pray that these spots heal quickly and don’t cause anymore issues.

Mom is very alert these days and enjoys visiting with us when we are there. It does my heart so good to talk to her and show her pictures of the kids and tell her stories of what’s going on at home. Every time I have to go home, it just breaks my heart. I can’t wait for the day I get to take herb home. 

Recently, there was a picture on my timeline that I posted 5 years ago asking for prayers for Mom because she was in the hospital due to her heart failure. I broke down when I saw that picture and I begged God to put these days of sickness behind her. I’m choosing to believe that there’s a day ahead of us where Mom will be well. She will feel good and for the first time in six years she will be able to enjoy and indulge in life. I’m very aware that that day won’t be next week, nor will it be next month, but when I close my eyes I can see my sweet Mom laughing with her kids, hugging her grand babies and enjoying every moment of life. These days, that’s my prayer. I pray for complete healing and health for Mom. I pray that she will get to enjoy and participate in moments that she hasn’t been able to enjoy in six years. The Lord has promised Good to those that serve Him. He has never broken a promise and I have no doubt that the days ahead will be Good for Mom. Please join us in continuing to pray for good days ahead. We love you all and are praying that the days ahead of you are good as well. 

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Redeemer of the Rain

Throughout this whole journey we’ve been encouraged to celebrate the small victories. Every day without a set back is a day to celebrate. Recently, the “set backs” have slowed down and Mom has started making leaps instead of just baby steps. Although we know the road ahead is still long, we feel encouraged by the progress she is making and we rejoice daily.

It has now been almost 10 weeks since Mom has had anything to eat or drink by mouth. On Monday of this week, they decided to have a swallow test done to see if she was strong enough to correctly swallow food and liquids. Praise the Lord! Mom completely passed the swallow test and was cleared for thin liquids and food. Today, for the first time in 10 weeks, she was able to drink a coke! Y’all, sometimes it’s the little things. The precious speech therapy staff came parading  in today with Mardi Gras decor, cokes, spaghetti, king cakes and gifts all for Mom. It was a special moment that this emotional, pregnant daughter cried over. We feel so blessed that the staff up here loves Mom almost as much as we do!

“Holla if you can Swalla!”

Mom’s kidney function has continued to improve. They have slowed her dialysis and are trying to find the appropriate balance between helping her kidneys filter her blood and letting them continue to work on their own. Please pray for the nephrology team as they study her lab work and continue to tweak her fluid input and output. Mom’s kidneys making a full recovery would be a huge “win” in her recovery process.

Mom still has her trach and we are working towards the day of having that removed. It is no longer breathing for her but does offer some oxygen support. Please pray that we can get the trach out soon and she will be breathing 100% on her own.

Everyday I find myself asking “Why did this happen?”... “Why was MY Mom the one who had to have complications?”. I have come to realize that I might not ever get the answer to those questions and if I do, I might not be pleased with the answer I get. Our family is slowly coming to accept that reality and we are beginning to be ok with that. We are choosing to believe that the Lord isn’t finished with Mom. We believe He is going to allow her and our family to use this experience to bless others. One of Mom’s favorite songs is “Redeemer of the Rain” by the Collingsworth family. We’ve listened to it in her hospital room over and over again and the more I listen to it the more I believe what the lyrics say. Our Lord is the Redeemer of the Rain. He’s our hope in a hopeless world. He brings beauty to the most awful situations and he restores the most broken hearts. Our Redeemer lives and His love sustains us. Today I pray, that no matter what brokenness you are experiencing, you allow the Redeemer of the rain to bring hope to your heartache. We love you and are blessed by each comment, hug and encouragement you give us.

Trusting the Lord

This morning I received the news that Mom was being moved out of ICU and to the step down unit. This news hit me like a ton of bricks because, to be honest, I don’t believe she’s ready for that. In the ICU, she has one on one care with nurses and it will not be that way on the step down unit. Mom still has so much going on. Just in the last week, she’s been changed from CRRT to hemodialysis, she’s fought a staph infection, had a procedure to put a tube in her stomach because it’s still not working right, she’s had multiple tachycardiac episodes, and many other things that have caused concern.

I would like to ask all of her prayer warriors to please pray that this decision is the right decision and not something that will cause more issues. Please pray the doctors have thought through all the possible complications and are preparing appropriately for them. Please pray that Mom doesn’t have anymore tachycardiac episodes and that she will be able to continue to get stronger on the speech valve.

Our family is also on the search for a rehabilitation hospital in Baton Rouge for Mom when the time comes. Let me be clear in saying, that time is still a good ways away. Please pray we can find the right place in town that can accommodate Mom and all her needs. We still have a very very long road to recovery ahead of us and it would be such a blessing to get her closer to home.

Today, all I’m able to do is trust that this decision is within the Lord’s plan. Trusting that Mom is moving in the right direction and her recovery will move faster than we expect. Please join me in trusting and believing these things for my Mom.

It is Well

We have now been in the hospital for over seven weeks. Looking back it seems like a nightmare and I often ask myself “Did this really happen?”. Recently I have grieved my old life. My life of being home with my baby.. sitting on my couch having easy conversation with my Mom... watching Harrison reach for his Lollie... cooking supper for my little family.. Etc. In the moment, I never appreciated the little things. I didn’t appreciate the “simple life”. Today, my heart longs for the simple life. It longs for family dinners with everyone laughing and enjoying each other. It longs for not constantly worrying that Mom will take a turn for the worse. I wish I knew then, what I know now. I wish I would have savored every moment of the “simple life”. Hug your family, kiss your babies.. life is short and we never know when the floor is going to be ripped out from underneath us.

Recently, Mom’s days consist of therapy and rest. Therapy is extremely hard for her because she is so weak. She is still unable to lift her arms and legs. She is able to lift her right hand, point and squeeze your hand. She can’t move her left hand yet. This is the hand that experienced so much trauma from the blood clots. The open sores on that hand are healing and she has lots of new pink skin growing in their place. She has strong pulses on that hand so we are hoping that it’s just extreme weakness and with the appropriate amount of therapy she will regain use of that hand. Please pray for her left hand and all her muscles. Please pray that the Lord will be her strength and he will continue to completely heal her body.

Mom is still on dialysis. She’s been on something called CRRT which is basically continuous dialysis.  They have started giving her longer breaks from it because she has had some signs that her kidneys might be recovering. We know that this is not something that will happen over night. If her kidneys make a full recovery, it could be months even a year. We are thankful that she has had some sign of function though and rejoice over that news. We need you all  to continue to pray for her kidneys. We are standing in faith that they will recover and she will not need dialysis forever. Mom has so many other issues to overcome and it would be such a blessing if this wasn’t one of them.

Being in the ICU for so long, you see so many family’s come and go and so many that have been here as long or longer than you. My heart just breaks for these people some days. We’ve seen so many people grieving. We’ve seen children mourning the loss of their Mom and it’s just heart wrenching. Being around this kind of heart ache day after day really starts to take a toll on you. I find myself laying in bed at night praying for my Mom and praying for every family that I see walk through those ICU doors. The 10th floor is a sad place. I often find myself thinking, “I hate that another family is hurting the way I hurt. I hate that so many people here are going through this tragedy.” All I can do is pray. Pray that they know Jesus, pray that they will allow Him to hold them and pray that even in this dark valley they can find the smallest amount of faith to carry them through. When you think of my family and pray for us, please pray for these other families too. Lord knows they need it.

I tell Mom daily how many of you are asking and praying for her. I encourage her that she has an army of support behind her, celebrating her victories and anxiously awaiting the day she gets to come
home. She, along with our family are so blessed by each one of you. We are so thankful for every call, text, meal, donation and prayer that is sent our way. . Thank you so much. Through it all, it is well and we are blessed. We love you!

Up-to-date Faith

Our family has a rule that, for now, at least two people are at the hospital with Mom at all times. Like I’ve said before, this journey is a complete rollercoaster and we never know when the floor is going to fall out from underneath us. It’s just not smart for someone to be there alone. Last week, Grannie and I were up there from Sunday night - Thursday late night. I had to run home on Tuesday to a doctors appointment and Mom’s sweet friend, Lana Martin, came up to sit with Grannie. We are so thankful for all of our friends and family that are helping us.

Friday morning, I was at home with Harrison and to be honest I was feeling extremely down. I spent the morning praying for peace.. praying for the Lord to show me reason for all that we have gone through. I was in the kitchen preparing lunch for Harrison and I heard him start throwing things on the floor. He was emptying a drawer and in it was a book written by my great- grandfather. “Padre” is my Mom’s Grandfather. I never had the opportunity to meet him and from stories I have been told I missed out big time. My Mom has always told me “He was the most spiritual man I have ever known... He was someone we should all strive to be like.” Padre was a pastor and founded a church in Central named Immanuel Baptist. He was a man that devoted his life to the Lord and whole heartedly believed in the scripture.

When I picked up the book that Harrison tossed on the ground, it was opened to this page.

“And he took him by the right hand, and lifted him up; and immediately his feet and ankle bones received strength. And he leaping up stood and walked, and entered with them into the temple, walking, and leaping, and praising God.”

If our faith is up-to-date, you can be sure that the days of miracles are not past. “I am the Lord thy God, I change not”

How perfect. How timely. If there’s one thing I’ve learned during this whole journey it’s that the Lord hears our prayers and knows exactly what our hearts need at exactly the right time. I whole heartedly believe the days of miracles are not past for Mom. She will get up and walk one day. She will leap and Praise God for all that he has done in her life. I can’t wait for that day. 

Mom’s progress is still moving forward. We are thankful that it’s been 11 days without any serious set backs. Recently, the doctors have struggled with getting her pain medicines regulated. Certain pain meds can cause certain side effects and figuring out what her body can tolerate along with what keeps her comfortable has been a difficult task. We need her to be alert enough to participate in physical and speech therapy but we also need to have her comfortable enough to tolerate therapy. It’s a thin line and a difficult balance to find. Please pray that they can get her comfortable without medicine that causes serious drowsiness. 

This week my Aunt Kes has been in town which has allowed me to have some time at home to rest up and enjoy Harrison. She FaceTimed me this morning and it was the sweetest FaceTime call I’ve ever received. Speech therapy was working with Mom and for the first time in six weeks I heard my Mom say “Hi Addie... I love you”. If you know me and Mom then you know how close we are. I was her primary caretaker before this surgery and not a day went by that I wasn’t with her. She’s my absolute best friend and my heart has missed her so much. Hearing that voice did this heart so good. 

Mom is a fighter. She has proved that to us and the hospital staff every day that she has been there. She’s overcome so much and is motivated to overcome even more. Please continue to pray for her strength both mentally and physically. The road ahead seems so daunting and at times can feel impossible. We have full belief, that with the help of Jesus, mom will make a full recovery. Please join our family in claiming complete healing over Mom. We are so thankful for the continued prayers and support. It’s only by His Grace and your prayers that we are still climbing this mountain. 

By The Grace

These last few days we have been so encouraged by Mom’s “progress”. We are pretty sure her stomach pains and symptoms were coming from something in her colon. We never really got a definite answer, but we are thankful because her pain has subsided and her heart rate has slowed. Mom has also been fever free for over 72 hours. Praise God. This is the longest she has gone without fever in the last two weeks.

Sunday night, when I got to the hospital, it was the first time in 4 weeks that I felt like “old mom” was there. It felt like I was standing by and talking to Mom “before LVAD”. It was the first time in 4 weeks that I felt like we had turned a corner. A small corner, but a corner.

Mom is 100% breathing on her own now. She still has the trach but it is not hooked up to the ventilator. She’s on something called a “trach collar” which basically just blows a little oxygen. Please continue to pray for Mom’s kidneys. She is still on continuous dialysis. We still have hope that the  Lord will completely heal them and allow Mom to make a full recovery.

Mom’s left hand had some serious sores from when the blood clots were thrown to it. For a while, we were concerned if her hand would recover from them or if the tissue was dead. The last few days, we have been shocked by its  appearance. Each day it look better and better. We feel pretty sure that her hand will recover.

Rehab has started full force for Mom. Physical Therapy comes daily and they are sitting her up in the bed and moving her around a lot to try and build her muscle strength back up. It’s extremely tiring for her but she is knocking it out of the park. Yesterday, she was only able to sit up for about three minutes. Today, she sat up for ten.  Praise God!  Each day she’s getting a little bit stronger. We are thankful for these small victories.

Mom’s demeanor is very down. She’s sad, mad, frustrated... she has so many different emotions about all that has happened. Please pray for her spirit. Pray that the Lord will give her peace and the emotional strength to make it through this battle. She keeps mouthing to us “This is awful”.. “How will I ever do this”.. we agree it’s awful and have often wondered how we will get through this. The only answer I have for her is “By the Grace of God”. Only by His Grace will any of us survive this trial. He’s gotten her this far and I have faith he’s going to get her to the finish line.

A Rough Day

Yesterday afternoon, I went home for the first time in a week. It was short lived as I was called saying I needed to come back because Mom looked very rough, was having severe stomach pains and was having some sort of GI bleed and needed a blood transfusion. I got to the hospital last night to find Mom looking very miserable and experiencing a lot of pain. It’s very hard to see her like this and the fact that communication is so hard makes things 10x worse.

This morning was filled with lots of different doctors all with different specialties and different theories on what was causing these new symptoms. Just to list who all came in today: we saw Nephrology, General Surgery, Heart Transplant Cardiologist, Infectious Disease, Heart Surgeon, Colon/Rectal Specialist, Gastro Specialist...along with others. The information is overwhelming and the theories are scary. Today was tough.

After being cleared by colon/rectal, Gastro came by and thinks that the blood is coming from an ulcer in her stomach. Tomorrow they will do EGD, which is basically a scope of her stomach, to check for an ulcer and hope to "clip" it to stop the bleeding. When you receive an LVAD, you have to be on a blood thinner for basically the rest of your life to be sure the blood doesn't clot in the pump. This makes a GI bleed, or any kind of bleed, worse and more dangerous than it normally would be. This evening they stopped the blood thinner in hopes to slow the bleed until they can get in under control. Please pray specifically for her stomach and that the bleed will stop and will be completely healed. Please pray that it's nothing more serious and that they are able to fix it easily and quickly.

Yesterday evening Mom was so miserable. Today, the pain seemed to be a little more manageable and she even let us turn the TV on as a distraction for her. This is the first time in a month she has felt "up to" having the TV turned on. We watched Hallmark and I asked her to scoot over in the bed so I could lay next to her. Obviously, that wasn't an option but I wanted to so bad. We are thankful for little victories these days, and mom wanting to watch TV was one.

Please continue to pray for Mom. We have many more battles to win and are praying that tomorrow's is won quickly and painlessly.