“You made it”

Last night for the first time in three weeks I got to see Mom. It was for a short period but it was much needed. I showed her pictures of the kids and we talked all about Eleanor. Yes, you read that right we TALKED. Yesterday, Mom had her trach removed. It’s GONE! No more trach ever again. “Trach care and speaking valve” are now phrases of the past and I couldn’t be more overwhelmed with joy. When they told us they were going to have to put Mom on a trach, I cried and cried. For some reason I thought it would be a permanent thing that would keep us from hearing her voice ever again. Boy was I wrong. Last night when we were talking, if I would have closed my eyes it would have been just as if we were sitting at home. It was so normal and so easy. My heart needed it and I know hers did too.

Mom’s progress has been amazing. It blows us away daily to see what she’s accomplishing. We still have a few small hurdles to overcome and I would like to ask you to pray specifically for these things. I have found during this journey with Mom that when we go to the Lord with specific and detailed request our prayers are answered specifically. Mom has a spot on her left leg that is still trying to heal and  has a wound vac on it. Please pray that the Lord will hurry along the healing of that wound. She can’t be fitted for a prosthetic until it’s healed. Mom is also struggling with appetite and nausea. She needs to be able to eat in order to gain her strength back to participate in therapy. Mom has to be able to participate in three hours of therapy a day to be moved to rehab. This won’t happen without good nutrition giving her the strength she needs to make it through each therapy session. Please pray for her appetite and for continued strength.

Now that we are off of dialysis and the trach is gone, the light at the end of the tunnel is brighter than it has been in 4 months. We are on day 106 in the ICU. It has been such a long journey. Last night when I was up at the hospital I took a picture of this note written by Sophie on Mom’s pillow case. Back when Mom was very very ill a sweet friend of my grandparents made this pillowcase for friends  and family to sign and write a word of encouragement on. This was Sophie’s note:

“You made it”

Only by the Grace of God did she and any of us make it. With every step we took the Lord gave us a renewed strength to survive each moment of each day. Many of nights I would lay awake in the Brent House and pray that God would give me the strength to take my next breathe. The overwhelming sense of grief I felt during those beginning days is a feeling I will never forget and something that has forever changed me. Our family will never be the same. You don’t go through something like this and ever go back to the way things were before. BUT, we made it. I’ve learned through this whole experience that there is NOTHING that you can’t survive if you have Jesus. He will carry you through each battle and every heartache and you too can “Make it”. I pray today that if you are in a situation where you feel like “I’m not going to make it”, that you surrender that situation to the Lord. With Him, we can make it through anything.  My Mom and our family survived and although the road ahead is still long and Mom’s battle with heart failure is not over, we made it. We have so much to look forward to and so many memories to make. Thank you all for loving our family through these hard times. Thank you for the food, the donations, the hugs, the sweet messages and everything else so many of you did to get us to where we are today. We are blessed. I have a list a mile long of thank you notes to write and I can’t wait to personally thank each one of you for all you have done. Please continue to pray for our family as we start to prepare Mom to be moved to rehab. I would like to guess that we have a few more weeks at Ochsner before that happens, but no one really knows. We love you all so much and covet every prayer and hug that you give us. We made it guys... we made it!

Our Thing to Look Forward To...

I have tried to start this blog post for the past two days and every time I do I end up deleting what I have written and starting over. Overwhelmed doesn’t begin to explain my current feelings and to be honest I’m unable to find a word or statement that does. For those of you who aren’t my Facebook friend, on Sunday night at 9:27PM I unexpectedly delivered my precious baby girl 7 weeks early. Our “thing to look forward to” is here and although she has some mountains to climb, she’s perfect.

So many people have texted, messaged and called asking what happened? To be honest, we really don’t know. Like I said in my last post, we have been so blessed that this pregnancy was nothing like my last. I’ve been healthy and have had no complications. It all started Saturday night. Ryan and Sophie wanted crawfish so we went and had dinner at Duke’s in Watson with Grannie and Pops. I noticed during dinner that nothing tasted good. I didn’t feel “good” but really couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong. Later that night, I woke up and was deathly ill. Uncontrollably vomiting and nothing was making it better. Sunday morning, Ryan texted my OB and they decided I needed to go to the assessment center to get fluids to keep me from getting dehydrated. It was downhill from there. When we arrived, I was having some contractions and after being assessed we were told I was 4cm dilated, 60% effaced and in active labor. My blood pressure was also extremely high and I had gotten an awful headache. I felt terrible. They sent me straight up to labor and delivery. By the time I got up there, my contractions were so close that the doctor on call became concerned I was having a placental abruption and told us we might need to prepare for an emergency C section. They immediately gave me pain meds, nausea meds, Celestone shot for baby’s lungs, Magnesium Sulfate for baby’s neuro development and also to try and slow my contractions. Nothing they tried would slow anything down enough to hold off labor. It became evident really fast that I would be having Baby Eleanor that day. By 7:45PM I decided I would get an epidural because I was 6-7cm and progressing extremely quickly. By 9Pm I was full 10 cm and they took me to the OR to deliver baby girl. Her delivery was quick but it was confirmed that I was experiencing a placental abruption and it was by the grace of God that I delivered as quickly as I did and didn’t have more serious complications. Yet again, the Lord showed us just how gracious and loving He is. He put me and baby girl right where we needed to be at exactly the right time to be sure we were safe and taken care of. We feel so blessed.

Eleanor is pure perfection. Everytime I see her all I can think about is how I can’t wait for my Mom to hold her. I am overwhelmed with a feeling of thankfulness that even though that day is weeks away, it will happen. My baby will get to grow up with her Lollie and I couldn’t be more excited about that.

Mom is doing extremely well. The Last week has been filled with hope and good news and we celebrate daily over her accomplishments. Nephrology was excited to tell us that Mom’s kidneys are recovering. Her kidneys are producing large amounts of urine and she is needing dialysis less and less. They believe that once she is eating again and her body is getting good nutrition the days of dialysis will come to an end. This has been one of our biggest concerns and to hear the doctors be so optimistic about the recovery of her kidneys is such a blessing. Thank you Lord!

For the first time ever, we are discussing a timeline for getting her moved to rehab. Our hope is that by the end of March she will be well enough to move to a rehab facility where she will continue her physical and mental recovery. When I was told that news I literally started to jump up and down. Our light at the end of the tunnel is brighter and we are getting closer to it. What a miracle!!

Our prayers now are that Mom continues to gain strength each and every day. She’s still very weak and lifting her arms is still draining for her. She can’t yet feed herself and I know getting some independence and arm strength would do so much for her emotionally. When you pray for Mom, please pray for strength mentally and physically.

I haven’t seen Mom in over a week now and I miss her so much. I know it will be a little longer before I’m able to see her again because I can’t leave Eleanor. We will be in the NICU for a while longer and I need to be by her side. It’s been so hard having a baby and not having Mom here to experience it with me. We are so close. All I can do is rest in the hope that the days of us being separated are coming to an end. There’s a day ahead of us where we will all be home, happy, healthy and together again. Please continue to pray for our family. Pray that these days of hardship are coming to an end. I don’t know how much more we can handle. We are tired, but continuing to trust that the Lord is carrying us through every step we take. We will continue to praise Him in this storm. I quoted a song in a past blog and I’m continuing to cling to a line from it. “He brings beauty out of brokeness and hope to our heartache.” When I look at our beautiful baby girl, I can’t help but smile and remind myself that even in a life that feels so broken and full of heartache the Lord continues to show up and give us the hope and beauty we need to make it through each day. This week He gave us Eleanor and I think he knew that it was that beauty and hope we needed to make through the rest of this journey. Who am I to question His plan or timing?

He is Good!

As I write this, my sweet husband Ryan is driving me to New Orleans to spend some time with Mom.   I’m now 32 weeks pregnant and every week that passes makes it harder and harder for me to sit up at the hospital all day. We are praising God and feeling so blessed that I’m not having the same complications with this pregnancy that I did with Harrison. The Lord knows exactly what you need, and He knew that I needed a smooth pregnancy this time around. 

Grannie has been with Mom since Sunday night and does a fantastic job of caring for her. The old saying is so true, “No matter how old you get, you still need your Mom”. Mom constantly ask for Grannie and leans on her to get through every procedure and test. How blessed are we that Grannie is in such good health and able to care for Mom? Again, the Lord knows exactly what you need. 

Tuesday, Mom had a really good day. It was full of decisions that would help get Mom closer to a discharge day. We aren’t anywhere near going home, but we have lots of hurdles to get passed to get us there. Every hurdle we get passed, is a day closer to coming home.. so no matter how small the hurdle is we celebrate it. Tuesday the prosthetic people came and brought a shrinker to help shape her left leg and prepare it for a prosthetic. The doctors also gave the ok for her to have her trach downsized. Downsizing the trach is something that has to be done a few times before it’s eventually removed. This also makes the trach more comfortable for Mom. Tuesday was a good day for her. 

This morning, I got a text that Mom had spiked a fever overnight. Her white blood count had also risen significantly and she has been having a consistent stomach pain that won’t seem to go away. Today, they took her for a CT scan to try and get to the bottom of this infection and stomach pain. Please pray it’s a simple infection that will be cleared up quickly and easily. 

Mom also has some spots on her left hand and left leg that aren’t healing properly. These “sores” were caused when she was having the blood clot issues. They are basically dead tissue that we have been praying would fall off and new skin/tissue would form in its place. The Vascular surgeon came in today and cleaned the spot on her leg and packed it and have hope that it will continue to heal. The hand surgeon has plans to do the same to her hand tomorrow. Please pray that these spots heal quickly and don’t cause anymore issues.

Mom is very alert these days and enjoys visiting with us when we are there. It does my heart so good to talk to her and show her pictures of the kids and tell her stories of what’s going on at home. Every time I have to go home, it just breaks my heart. I can’t wait for the day I get to take herb home. 

Recently, there was a picture on my timeline that I posted 5 years ago asking for prayers for Mom because she was in the hospital due to her heart failure. I broke down when I saw that picture and I begged God to put these days of sickness behind her. I’m choosing to believe that there’s a day ahead of us where Mom will be well. She will feel good and for the first time in six years she will be able to enjoy and indulge in life. I’m very aware that that day won’t be next week, nor will it be next month, but when I close my eyes I can see my sweet Mom laughing with her kids, hugging her grand babies and enjoying every moment of life. These days, that’s my prayer. I pray for complete healing and health for Mom. I pray that she will get to enjoy and participate in moments that she hasn’t been able to enjoy in six years. The Lord has promised Good to those that serve Him. He has never broken a promise and I have no doubt that the days ahead will be Good for Mom. Please join us in continuing to pray for good days ahead. We love you all and are praying that the days ahead of you are good as well. 

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Redeemer of the Rain

Throughout this whole journey we’ve been encouraged to celebrate the small victories. Every day without a set back is a day to celebrate. Recently, the “set backs” have slowed down and Mom has started making leaps instead of just baby steps. Although we know the road ahead is still long, we feel encouraged by the progress she is making and we rejoice daily.

It has now been almost 10 weeks since Mom has had anything to eat or drink by mouth. On Monday of this week, they decided to have a swallow test done to see if she was strong enough to correctly swallow food and liquids. Praise the Lord! Mom completely passed the swallow test and was cleared for thin liquids and food. Today, for the first time in 10 weeks, she was able to drink a coke! Y’all, sometimes it’s the little things. The precious speech therapy staff came parading  in today with Mardi Gras decor, cokes, spaghetti, king cakes and gifts all for Mom. It was a special moment that this emotional, pregnant daughter cried over. We feel so blessed that the staff up here loves Mom almost as much as we do!

“Holla if you can Swalla!”

Mom’s kidney function has continued to improve. They have slowed her dialysis and are trying to find the appropriate balance between helping her kidneys filter her blood and letting them continue to work on their own. Please pray for the nephrology team as they study her lab work and continue to tweak her fluid input and output. Mom’s kidneys making a full recovery would be a huge “win” in her recovery process.

Mom still has her trach and we are working towards the day of having that removed. It is no longer breathing for her but does offer some oxygen support. Please pray that we can get the trach out soon and she will be breathing 100% on her own.

Everyday I find myself asking “Why did this happen?”... “Why was MY Mom the one who had to have complications?”. I have come to realize that I might not ever get the answer to those questions and if I do, I might not be pleased with the answer I get. Our family is slowly coming to accept that reality and we are beginning to be ok with that. We are choosing to believe that the Lord isn’t finished with Mom. We believe He is going to allow her and our family to use this experience to bless others. One of Mom’s favorite songs is “Redeemer of the Rain” by the Collingsworth family. We’ve listened to it in her hospital room over and over again and the more I listen to it the more I believe what the lyrics say. Our Lord is the Redeemer of the Rain. He’s our hope in a hopeless world. He brings beauty to the most awful situations and he restores the most broken hearts. Our Redeemer lives and His love sustains us. Today I pray, that no matter what brokenness you are experiencing, you allow the Redeemer of the rain to bring hope to your heartache. We love you and are blessed by each comment, hug and encouragement you give us.

Trusting the Lord

This morning I received the news that Mom was being moved out of ICU and to the step down unit. This news hit me like a ton of bricks because, to be honest, I don’t believe she’s ready for that. In the ICU, she has one on one care with nurses and it will not be that way on the step down unit. Mom still has so much going on. Just in the last week, she’s been changed from CRRT to hemodialysis, she’s fought a staph infection, had a procedure to put a tube in her stomach because it’s still not working right, she’s had multiple tachycardiac episodes, and many other things that have caused concern.

I would like to ask all of her prayer warriors to please pray that this decision is the right decision and not something that will cause more issues. Please pray the doctors have thought through all the possible complications and are preparing appropriately for them. Please pray that Mom doesn’t have anymore tachycardiac episodes and that she will be able to continue to get stronger on the speech valve.

Our family is also on the search for a rehabilitation hospital in Baton Rouge for Mom when the time comes. Let me be clear in saying, that time is still a good ways away. Please pray we can find the right place in town that can accommodate Mom and all her needs. We still have a very very long road to recovery ahead of us and it would be such a blessing to get her closer to home.

Today, all I’m able to do is trust that this decision is within the Lord’s plan. Trusting that Mom is moving in the right direction and her recovery will move faster than we expect. Please join me in trusting and believing these things for my Mom.

It is Well

We have now been in the hospital for over seven weeks. Looking back it seems like a nightmare and I often ask myself “Did this really happen?”. Recently I have grieved my old life. My life of being home with my baby.. sitting on my couch having easy conversation with my Mom... watching Harrison reach for his Lollie... cooking supper for my little family.. Etc. In the moment, I never appreciated the little things. I didn’t appreciate the “simple life”. Today, my heart longs for the simple life. It longs for family dinners with everyone laughing and enjoying each other. It longs for not constantly worrying that Mom will take a turn for the worse. I wish I knew then, what I know now. I wish I would have savored every moment of the “simple life”. Hug your family, kiss your babies.. life is short and we never know when the floor is going to be ripped out from underneath us.

Recently, Mom’s days consist of therapy and rest. Therapy is extremely hard for her because she is so weak. She is still unable to lift her arms and legs. She is able to lift her right hand, point and squeeze your hand. She can’t move her left hand yet. This is the hand that experienced so much trauma from the blood clots. The open sores on that hand are healing and she has lots of new pink skin growing in their place. She has strong pulses on that hand so we are hoping that it’s just extreme weakness and with the appropriate amount of therapy she will regain use of that hand. Please pray for her left hand and all her muscles. Please pray that the Lord will be her strength and he will continue to completely heal her body.

Mom is still on dialysis. She’s been on something called CRRT which is basically continuous dialysis.  They have started giving her longer breaks from it because she has had some signs that her kidneys might be recovering. We know that this is not something that will happen over night. If her kidneys make a full recovery, it could be months even a year. We are thankful that she has had some sign of function though and rejoice over that news. We need you all  to continue to pray for her kidneys. We are standing in faith that they will recover and she will not need dialysis forever. Mom has so many other issues to overcome and it would be such a blessing if this wasn’t one of them.

Being in the ICU for so long, you see so many family’s come and go and so many that have been here as long or longer than you. My heart just breaks for these people some days. We’ve seen so many people grieving. We’ve seen children mourning the loss of their Mom and it’s just heart wrenching. Being around this kind of heart ache day after day really starts to take a toll on you. I find myself laying in bed at night praying for my Mom and praying for every family that I see walk through those ICU doors. The 10th floor is a sad place. I often find myself thinking, “I hate that another family is hurting the way I hurt. I hate that so many people here are going through this tragedy.” All I can do is pray. Pray that they know Jesus, pray that they will allow Him to hold them and pray that even in this dark valley they can find the smallest amount of faith to carry them through. When you think of my family and pray for us, please pray for these other families too. Lord knows they need it.

I tell Mom daily how many of you are asking and praying for her. I encourage her that she has an army of support behind her, celebrating her victories and anxiously awaiting the day she gets to come
home. She, along with our family are so blessed by each one of you. We are so thankful for every call, text, meal, donation and prayer that is sent our way. . Thank you so much. Through it all, it is well and we are blessed. We love you!

Up-to-date Faith

Our family has a rule that, for now, at least two people are at the hospital with Mom at all times. Like I’ve said before, this journey is a complete rollercoaster and we never know when the floor is going to fall out from underneath us. It’s just not smart for someone to be there alone. Last week, Grannie and I were up there from Sunday night - Thursday late night. I had to run home on Tuesday to a doctors appointment and Mom’s sweet friend, Lana Martin, came up to sit with Grannie. We are so thankful for all of our friends and family that are helping us.

Friday morning, I was at home with Harrison and to be honest I was feeling extremely down. I spent the morning praying for peace.. praying for the Lord to show me reason for all that we have gone through. I was in the kitchen preparing lunch for Harrison and I heard him start throwing things on the floor. He was emptying a drawer and in it was a book written by my great- grandfather. “Padre” is my Mom’s Grandfather. I never had the opportunity to meet him and from stories I have been told I missed out big time. My Mom has always told me “He was the most spiritual man I have ever known... He was someone we should all strive to be like.” Padre was a pastor and founded a church in Central named Immanuel Baptist. He was a man that devoted his life to the Lord and whole heartedly believed in the scripture.

When I picked up the book that Harrison tossed on the ground, it was opened to this page.

“And he took him by the right hand, and lifted him up; and immediately his feet and ankle bones received strength. And he leaping up stood and walked, and entered with them into the temple, walking, and leaping, and praising God.”

If our faith is up-to-date, you can be sure that the days of miracles are not past. “I am the Lord thy God, I change not”

How perfect. How timely. If there’s one thing I’ve learned during this whole journey it’s that the Lord hears our prayers and knows exactly what our hearts need at exactly the right time. I whole heartedly believe the days of miracles are not past for Mom. She will get up and walk one day. She will leap and Praise God for all that he has done in her life. I can’t wait for that day. 

Mom’s progress is still moving forward. We are thankful that it’s been 11 days without any serious set backs. Recently, the doctors have struggled with getting her pain medicines regulated. Certain pain meds can cause certain side effects and figuring out what her body can tolerate along with what keeps her comfortable has been a difficult task. We need her to be alert enough to participate in physical and speech therapy but we also need to have her comfortable enough to tolerate therapy. It’s a thin line and a difficult balance to find. Please pray that they can get her comfortable without medicine that causes serious drowsiness. 

This week my Aunt Kes has been in town which has allowed me to have some time at home to rest up and enjoy Harrison. She FaceTimed me this morning and it was the sweetest FaceTime call I’ve ever received. Speech therapy was working with Mom and for the first time in six weeks I heard my Mom say “Hi Addie... I love you”. If you know me and Mom then you know how close we are. I was her primary caretaker before this surgery and not a day went by that I wasn’t with her. She’s my absolute best friend and my heart has missed her so much. Hearing that voice did this heart so good. 

Mom is a fighter. She has proved that to us and the hospital staff every day that she has been there. She’s overcome so much and is motivated to overcome even more. Please continue to pray for her strength both mentally and physically. The road ahead seems so daunting and at times can feel impossible. We have full belief, that with the help of Jesus, mom will make a full recovery. Please join our family in claiming complete healing over Mom. We are so thankful for the continued prayers and support. It’s only by His Grace and your prayers that we are still climbing this mountain.