We are Speechless!

 I’ve been trying to write this blog the last 3 days and have yet to come up with the words to describe what we have experienced in Mom’s life the last 2 weeks. Sitting with Mom today, I’m left completely speechless. This most recent miracle the Lord has given us might be the most amazing. I’m in awe, I’m speechless and most of all I’m thankful. 

We have been told over and over that Mom wasn’t going to get better. She would never be able to have the strength that she had before this latest hospitalization. Honestly, this has been an easy statement to believe because Mom’s weakness has been debilitating and overwhelming. She’s lost more weight than you can imagine and for so long she’s been too weak to even turn her head. Not to mention, she’s lost her ability to swallow and wasn’t even strong enough to work on swallow exercises. Two weeks ago, we had sunshine therapy and prayed specifically for strength over her body and complete healing. Well, today Mom is a completely different person than she was that day at sunshine therapy. Everything about her is renewed. She’s able to use her phone, pick her head up off the pillow and they are even able to get her in her wheelchair so she’s been able to cruise around the hospital to get some different scenery. She’s doing so well that our precious speech therapist feels like she might be getting back some of her swallowing ability. They are scheduling another swallow study to check that out. Thankful doesn’t even begin to describe how we feel. Oh how sweet Jesus is. He never stops working, He never stops healing and he certainly hasn’t stopped performing miracles. 

Mom continues to leave our family and the doctors speechless. They have made jokes this week that she has “more life’s than a cat”. My response- NO she has a God that isn’t done with her. Her story isn’t over. She has more to do here. More time to be spent with her family and more time sharing the good news that Jesus is alive and well. He’s working inside of her still and is making her whole again. For weeks our family has told her body to “wake up” and become new. We have prophesied strength and energy over her. We have commanded dying organs to come to life. The Lord has heard our prayers and is standing with us and making these request come to life. Part of me wants to say that I’m in shock seeing how well she is doing... but I’m not. I knew the Lord was going to heal her. I knew this miracle was coming. He’s so good to us and I’m so thankful that I want to spend every waking moment on my knees in praise. 

Mom still has a lot more strength to be gained. Please continue to pray for supernatural strength over her body. Please specifically pray that next week they will do another swallow study and that she will pass with flying colors. Please pray that she will gain enough strength in the next week that we will get to avoid LTAC and go directly to rehab. We want Mom to get the best therapy for what she needs and we believe that’s at rehab. 

We are so so so thankful for every single team member at Ochsner that has fought to get Mom to where she is. All the nurses and therapist that have pushed and cared for Mom so lovingly, we will never be able to adequately thank. Brittany- our precious LVAD coordinator has become like family. She has cried with us, laughed with us and most importantly fought to get Mom where she is today. Every doctor and NP/PA that has put up with my obsessive questions- bless their heart. I have not made it easy on any of them and I’m thankful that they are still fighting with us. Please continue to pray for their wisdom as we get through the last bit of this hospital stay with Mom. Also, pray for their patience with me because I’m still asking questions. Erika, Mom’s speech therapist, loves Mom so much and might have gotten the worst end of me when we found out the results of her first swallow scan. We are so thankful for her continuing to work and push for Mom to get the ability to swallow again. This has by far been the most emotional hospital stay for not only our family but the hospital staff as well. This would have been so much easier on everyone if Mom wasn’t so loved and so special. 

Lastly, I want to thank each of you for following along and praying for Mom. We certainly wouldn’t have survived without your encouragement and prayers. We love you all and are so thankful, I just can’t say it enough. 

Prayers and Positivity

There’s so much I could write about tonight, but I’m going to try and keep it short for you guys. Mom received her PEG tube yesterday and did well with her surgery. Overnight, her H&H dropped some so they gave her two blood transfusions to help give her a boost. It worked and her H&H has been stable today and tonight. They mentioned a concern of a GI bleed but I don’t think that’s the case neither did tonight’s nurse. I think she lost some blood during the surgery and she needed some help getting caught up. Our family has adapted a new way of speaking when we are in the room with Mom and talking about Mom. We are only speaking and thinking positivity. Negativity is not allowed around her and if it comes, whoever says it should be asked to leave the room. Mom wants and needs to be uplifted. She needs hope that life can and will get better. She needs people around her who want to lift her up, help her recover and encourage her. 

Today, Mom got a sweet visit from our favorite doctor- Dr Bansal. 

You might remember his name, he is the heart surgeon who put in her LVAD and fought for her life for so many months when she was deathly ill. He sat by her beside, canceled trips and did everything possible to get Mom to where she is today. We love Dr Bansal and respect him more than anyone else. She told him today that they told her she was never going to be able to eat again. Do you know what is response to that was? He laughed and said “that’s not true, you will get stronger and you will eat again. They obviously don’t remember what you’ve been through.” He’s right. She’s going to fight and she’s going to get stronger. She’s come back from deaths door more times than we would have liked and she will come back from this too. 

I’ve never spent more time in prayer than I do now. I pray in the shower, in the car, while I cook... I find myself praying all day long. Today I was driving down the road with Harrison and we were listening to worship music. I lifted one of my hands and started praying out loud for freedom from sickness for Mom. While I was praying, I heard Harrison trying to repeat exactly what I was saying and when I glanced back in the rear view mirror he had his hands raised and eyes closed and in his “own language” was praying his little heart out for his Lollie. I lost it. I almost had to pull on the side of the road. My sweet baby. Thank you Jesus for that precious moment. Just when my soul feels empty, He replenishes it with an image of His grace and goodness. Please join Harrison and me in praying for Lollie. She needs us to intercede on her behalf. She needs an image of His grace and goodness like I received today. She needs to feel whole again and well. She needs the Hope that only Jesus can give her. I’m proclaiming today that wholeness and strength are coming for Mom. It’s just around the corner. Please join me in proclaiming this for Mom. 

We love you all. Thank you for following Mom’s story and for the many blessings your prayers bring. We couldn’t make it without you! 

Addie 

Picture is of sweet Brittany and Mom. Brittany is Mom’s LVAD coordinator and came and did her nails today. We are so thankful for her and Mom just adores her! 

Specific request from Mom

I’m writing this update specifically at Mom’s request. She needs her prayer warriors and she’s personally asking you guys to rally around her. 

Yesterday, she had her barium swallow study. Well unfortunately we got the news this morning that she didn’t pass. The flap that closes over your airway, was not closing properly which puts her at risk for aspiration. They told her today that there is a small chance she will be able to eat again. This is devastating news for her and our family. Mom is just beside herself. She’s so hungry. From the medical standpoint the question is- what’s next? Well, tomorrow we will discuss her receiving a peg tube so she can start receiving proper nutrition. We are all very down and discouraged by this news. Please pray for Mom’s spirit. She’s mad, sad, discouraged and overwhelmed. She keeps telling us “I just want to be better.” It feels like as soon as we get to a point where we feel like we are headed that way she gets knocked back down.  

To be honest, this morning I’m ticked off. I want to punch a wall and scream to the top of my lungs. Why can’t she ever catch a break? Lord, so much has been taken from her don’t let this be taken too. I’m refusing to settle with this opinion though. I’m not accepting it as permanent and I’m not letting the devil win this battle. He has taken so much, but he can’t have this. He can’t have Mom’s ability to enjoy a meal. I’m praying and begging the Lord to give her the strength to swallow. I’m believing that with therapy, she will be able to eat again. I’m believing still that a wave of supernatural strength is coming to her body and she will be renewed and have the ability to do things she hasn’t done in weeks. Eating is one of them!! Please Jesus, give strength to her mouth and throat! 

Satan, get the heck out of here. You are not welcome and you are not wanted. You can’t have my Mom. You can’t take this from her. My God is bigger than you. Satan, you better watch out because you are about to get your butt kicked. No matter how many times you try, I will never stop rebuking your name and lifting up our Lord. So find someone else to mess with because I’m not your girl. 

Thank you all for praying and standing with our family against the enemy. We appreciate and love each one of you. Mom is so thankful. I read all your comments to her and she’s blessed by each one of them. 

P.S. if any of you are speech therapist and have any advice or exercises that can help strengthen your swallowing and epiglottis... please message or call me. I would love to get your opinion.  

Thankful!

 I know it’s late, but want to take a quick minute to update you guys on Mom. The last few days have been a roller coaster with how she feels. Some days are better than others, but today was a great day. I called the nurse this morning to find out that speech came in and she knocked her swallow assessment out the park. Mom hasn’t eaten in about 4 weeks. She’s so hungry and ready to eat and drink when and what she wants. Tomorrow morning, they are doing a barium swallow study and our hope is that she passes it and is strong enough to eat. The tube feedings aren’t enough on their own and in order for her to get stronger, she needs more nutrition and she can only get that from eating. Please pray that she passes this and that the Lord will give her the strength she needs to eat. 

Mom is still fighting and has no plans to throw in the towel. She’s proving the doctors wrong and medically is stable. Her labs are normal and so is her vital signs. Our biggest concern are three things: 1.) Strength to recover 2.) whatever infection caused her to get this sick to be gone and not ever come back 3.) she currently has a bedsore on her lower back. Please continue to pray for these three things. We know that the Lord can replenish her strength, cure infection and heal her bedsore.. all we have to do is ask and believe. 

Tonight we are thankful for the little blessings and little wins. Mom has tried For 2 weeks to pass the beside swallow test and has been unable to. Hearing that she passed it today, I could have almost done a cartwheel. Thank you, Lord, for answering that prayer. We rejoice in that miracle. We continue to pray and believe for complete healing for Mom. The doctors say it is impossible and that she won’t get back to where she was before. We rebuke these comments. What the enemy meant for evil, He can turn to good!!! That is what we believe and where our faith lies. Our family is standing in the gap for Mom and her doctors. Join us in praying for wisdom and positivity for her doctors and healing and strength for Mom. 

We love you and we are thankful for you. I wish I could hug each one of your necks! 

Addie 

We will see a Victory!

 Every day so many of you reach out to me and ask how Mom is doing and so often I’m left feeling clueless on how to answer the question. All I can really come up with is, “she’s still fighting”. 

Honestly, if you’d look at her labs you would say she’s doing excellent, normal creatinine, platelets in the 200s, normal WBC, holding a steady H&H.. nothing really shows signs for serious concern. But, if you see her you would guess she has a long recovery ahead. She’s extremely weak and her body is exhausted. She’s been hit so many times and her body is worn out. She needs supernatural strength only the Lord can give. I know it’s coming for her. I believe it so much that when I close my eyes I can see it. 

I wish I could do a better job at explaining what today’s concerns are for Mom’s future, but honestly I have no idea. I know for sure that the main concern is strength for her to recover, but what caused this latest “hiccup” in her health. What caused her bleeding issues and organ failure? Short answer is, No one can tell us. 

On Friday of last week, we were told she had end stage liver failure- Cirrhosis and that we needed to make end of life decisions for her. Mom took that news hard and she told the doctors that she was fighting and wasn’t giving up. The team decided to consult the liver team and get them to do a biopsy. The liver team met over the weekend and came in on Sunday and told us they were certain that it wasn’t liver failure but just liver congestion and that it would get better. Well, it did. Her liver numbers are stable and her platelet count is higher than it has been in the last 8 weeks. Praise the Lord for that news. 

Well, Monday the team told us that since it wasn’t the liver, it could possibly be an infection on the LVAD or diffibulator. To be honest, they have no idea and they are reaching here. It’s become extremely frustrating for our family and Mom especially. Please pray for wisdom for the care team. Please ask the Lord to give them the knowledge to be able to figure out what caused her to go downhill and the ability to keep it from happening again. I honestly believe that the Lord healed her. I don’t need them to find a cause, but I need the doctors to become positive and believe with our family that Mom can recover from this latest attack. Mom wants to fight. She wants to get better and go home. She wants to go to rehab and work hard to regain her life back. I need the care team to stand behind her and encourage her that she can do it again. Please ask the Lord to continue to encourage Mom and her care team. It is His will that Mom be healed and it’s His will that she be strong again. It’s our job as believers to stand up to the enemy and command the weakness to leave her body. I’m doing that every single day. Please join me. We will see a victory! 

Thank you all so much for your many prayers and thoughts. I’m thankful every single day for the love that surrounds our family. We love you and appreciate you more than you ever know. 

Addie

She’s fighting!

As I write this I’m sitting by Mom’s bed side as she naps. This morning we had a family meeting in the room with Mom. It was so nice for us to be able to get an update from the doctors with her present. Basically, what we were told is the concern is Mom’s liver. Her kidneys, lungs and heart(with the LVAD) are functioning. Today, for some reason, Mom’s platelet count and INR are actually perfect. They haven’t been this good in 6+weeks. They have decided to consult hepatology and see if they will do a liver biopsy to see what is causing the problem. The main concern is end stage liver failure- cirrhosis. The doctors seem to think that’s what it could be, but our family is praying and believing that that is not true. Hepatology did come by today, and he didn’t seem convinced that it was full blown cirrhosis. He thought it could be something with the spleen. The liver team is going to discuss Mom in the morning and decide if they think she could handle a liver biopsy. I’m believing she can and I’m believing that they aren’t going to find anything. I believe that Mom’s platelet count is normal because the Lord is delivering the healing that we’ve been asking for. He’s speaking life to those organs. He’s delivering complete healing. I can feel it in my soul. 

Please continue to pray for Mom. Please continue to ask the Lord to completely heal her liver. Please ask for the doctors to be able to perform a liver biopsy and it come back normal. She told the doctors today, “I’m going to fight because I want to live.” That’s my Momma. Never backing down and always a fighter. Her body might be weak but her spirit is strong. She’s in this for the long haul and is not backing down now. I’m so proud to be her daughter. I’m so thankful that she is my Momma. I’m standing next to her and I will fight for her with all that I have. I know that the enemy fights the hardest when the Lord has something wonderful in store. Well, something beautiful is coming because the enemy is stacking it against her. We aren’t backing down. Our armor is Jesus and He’s got this and us. I feel Him so close to us and I’m oh so grateful for that. 

We don’t know what tomorrow holds, so for today, we rejoice in the small victories. Mom is awake and she’s herself. Her platelet count is perfect and so is her kidney function. She’s got her game face on and she’s ready to prove these doctors wrong.... again! We are waiting on you Jesus. Your perfect timing to show up and show out. You’re in control and only by your grace will we survive. We are so thankful. I will sing of your goodness forever!

Move Those Mountains

The last five days have been nothing short of a complete roller coaster. When one minute is good, the next could be awful. The saying, “We don’t know what the future holds, but we know who holds it” has never been truer. When they told us how sick Mom was on Tuesday, I had no clue if Mom would make it through the day, much less to the weekend. I did know, though, that no matter the ending, the Lord was holding her. 

Yesterday, we had a family meeting with her doctors. Most of the family came in and for the first time the doctors were able to give us a run down from the beginning on what they think happened and where we were. Although nothing has grown on a culture, they believe that Mom has a serious infection that caused her to go into multi-organ failure. Mom has run fever as high as 104, her white count has been as high as 30 and her lactic acid had gotten as high as 9. These are all signs of sepsis. They told us that on a CT scan they also saw some pneumonia in her left lung that could also be attributing to the fever and white count. When all this happened, it created the perfect storm for her kidneys to stop working as well as her heart and liver. Fortunately, by yesterday morning her Kidneys were back producing urine and her liver numbers had stabilized. Her right heart function had improved and the hope is that it will continue to improve. Mom is on a ton of strong antibiotics and our prayer is that, even though we don’t know the exact bug that she has, the antibiotics will kill it. They basically told us that the next few days will tell us what happens with Mom. We will either see significant improvement or she will get sicker. Only the Lord knew what would happen and they couldn’t tell us either way, but that we should prepare for the worst. 

This morning, Mom’s doctors came in saying that they thought she had turned a corner. The doctor actually said “As usual Mrs Kim is surprising us”. Of course she is!!! They also reminded us that she’s not out of the woods yet, but was headed in the right direction. By this afternoon, she was doing so well that there is now discussions of extubating her. She has been off of sedation all day today and is able to answer our questions by blinking and moving her head. She is not combative and although you can tell she wants the vent to go, she is not fighting it. If she continues to have a good day and a good night, they will turn the vent off tomorrow and if she does well for a few hours they will extubate her. Praise the Lord!! Can you join me in praising Jesus for this news? Thank you Lord for giving her peace!! Thank you for easing her mind and bringing her to this place so quickly. Thank you for giving us a glimmer of hope during this nightmare. We look to You and we give You all the credit and praise for this news. 

Mom still has an awfully long road ahead of her and things can still go down hill. We aren’t out of the woods and the future is still unclear, but I refuse to live thinking of the worst anymore. I’m rejoicing in today and thanking God for the improvements in her body. I’m living hopeful and thankful. I’m believing that this news is the beginning of another indescribable miracle. The book of Matthew tells us that faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains. Well I’m here to tell you that my faith is the size of that mountain. Nothing in my life is impossible. I have faith that Mom can make a full recovery, I have faith that Mom will come home from this hospital and I have faith that one day day Mom will walk back into this place on two feet and be given the gift of a new heart. I hope satan hears me loud and clear, get the heck out of here because no matter how hard you knock me down I will continue to stand back up and I will continue to lift my hands and praise Him, Jesus. Jesus gets the glory and Jesus gets the praise. 

Please continue to lift us up. I’m so thankful for each and every one of you. When I first started this blog, I only had a couple hundred readers, today, I have almost 6,000 people reading and praying for Mom. Thankful doesn’t begin to describe how our family feels. You guys are holding us up. You guys are praying Mom through this battle. Please continue to. My Mom is a fighter and with her will to live and the Lord’s promises, this battle isn’t over. It will be won. 

We love you all! 

Addie