Round 2 of Rehab

I’ve had so many sweet messages sent to me in the last week. Some checking on Mom and others just simply telling me they have been praying for us and love us. Each one is so special to me. I’ve struggled recently with making sure I’ve 

responded to them all. Life recently has me running 100 miles per hour and sometimes it’s midnight before I can read them and respond. Please know that if I haven’t had a chance to respond to a text/message/comment that I’ve seen it and it blessed my heart. We love each one of you so much. Thank you for standing with us, Thank you for praying for us and thank you for loving us. 

The last two weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. I’ve been trying to write an update and just haven’t had the time. It started with the scare of Mom’s seizures... then my 5 month old, Eleanor, was in the hospital and the last few days we have been moving into our new home.

Mom is now receiving a medication to treat seizures and hasn’t had an episode since. The EEG showed no signs of seizures so we are still puzzled as to what exactly was going on but are thankful that it’s being controlled. Our prayer is that eventually we can get rid of this medication and not have anymore episodes. Mom is doing so well, we are hoping to get her moved back to rehab tomorrow! Please be in prayer that the insurance will give us as much time in rehab as Mom needs. It would be so good for Mom’s recovery and helpful to teach Grannie the best way to care for her until her chest is completely healed from surgery. 

Recently, so many people have told me things like “You are so strong..I don’t know how you do it....”. Let me be the first to tell you that I don’t feel strong. This season of life has brought me to some of my weakest and lowest points, but it has also filled me with a new sense hope and faith. You see, when the darkness is overwhelming and the hopelessness is creeping in I’ve learned that we, as Christians, must continue to stand. When we are brave enough to stand in the storm, we will witness the extraordinary peace that Jesus can bring. When we stand face to face with darkness and declare that it leaves, we will be filled with the hope and the promises of Jesus. He’s promised GOOD to those that love and follow him. So I encourage you today that if you are face to face with darkness, continue to stand. Stand and declare goodness over your life and family. Don’t allow the devil to tear you down and convince you that you aren’t strong enough to withstand the storm. You are a child of God, you are the storm.

Better than a Hallelujah

You can have it all. Today on my Facebook memories was a picture of my home 3 years ago with everything piled up because it was moments away from water coming in. My first thought was, “You can have it all”. I sit here with tears in my eyes thinking about how, in that moment, it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. Today, 3 short years later, it’s far from the worst thing that has ever happened to me. If given the choice, I would live through the flood of August 2016 one-hundred times before I repeated the last 9 months of my life. You can have it all. You can fill my house with water. You can take every earthly material thing I have, but please Lord fill my family with good health and healing. Let them be happy, let them be well and don’t let them suffer.

The last few days my Mom has been experiencing these jerking episodes that we haven’t been able to figure out what is causing it. Last night, she had a very serious episode of jerking and becoming unaware of her surroundings. The doctors are pretty sure now she’s been having seizures. How upsetting. We are just at a loss for words. Something else to add to her plate. Please pray that these seizures will just disappear and be a fluke incident.

This morning they are closing the skin on Mom’s chest. We are thankful that it healed well enough with the wound vac to not need a skin graft. We are thankful this is getting done today because it’s a step towards getting her home. Mom is SO ready to get home. She tells me everyday how she just wants to be home. Please pray this day is near and when it comes it stays. We want to get her home for good.

Last night after hearing the news of Mom’s seizures. I was laying in bed and just crying. Crying from exhaustion and crying because I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m still going to lose my Mom. I’m scared of the thought of having to raise my babies without their Lollie. I’m scared that every hiccup we experience is going to be the hiccup that keeps us from getting a heart transplant. As my mind raced through all the possibilities, the phrase “Better than a Hallelujah” came to me. If you know my Mom and her sweet sister, Kes, than you know they are both huge Amy Grant fans. I can still remember the order of the songs from the Amy Grant CD that played in our car as a child. How appropriate that this song would come to me during this moment. I share all this with you to tell you that it’s ok to be scared sometimes. It’s ok to cry out and tell the Lord that you are scared, lost and need the Hope that He brings. In the Bible we are told over and over to bring our trouble to the Lord.

Psalm 55:22
“Cast your burden on the Lord,
And He shall sustain you;
He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.”

Isaiah 41:13
“For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’”

I could go on and on. It’s ok to pour out your miseries and it’s also ok to be silent when words won’t come. We are a mess and sometimes the honest cry of a scared, breaking heart... is better than Hallelujah.

A pic of my Mom and Aunt Kes when they were both healthy, happy and worry free. They’ve both had their share of heartbreak. 

I’m in awe of You Jesus

Today has been an exhausting day. Mom was in surgery from 9:30AM- 5:30PM. We are exhausted. It went well for all that was done. Dr. Bansal decided to open her chest to be sure there was no infection. He found nothing and was very pleased with how her chest looked. What a miracle!! Basically what they did is flipped the left side of her abs over the Pump and outflow line. This muscle will serve as an extra layer of protection to protect the pump from infection. They left a wound pump on her chest to help close her skin. In a few days, they will most likely go back in and do a skin graft to close the skin on Mom’s chest. Tonight, Dr Bansal is letting Mom rest and leaving the ventilator in. Tomorrow morning, they will try to extubate her. Please pray there are no complications and she is able to be extubated easily and quickly. 

Mom’s recovery will certainly be slowed due to this surgery. She will have muscle weakness on her left side due to the lack of muscle there. She will be limited in therapy due to having her sternum opened and I know she’s going to be bummed out by that. Please pray that she is given extra strength to make it through the coming weeks. I don’t know this for sure, but I would imagine she will be heading back to inpatient rehab once she leaves the hospital. Please pray that the Lord opens the doors to that if it’s needed. Our family is overwhelmed and just plain tired. We are so sad for Mom but SO thankful for all the miracles that we saw this week. Dr Bansal flat told us that it would be nothing short of a miracle if there was no infection. Well, here we are... infection free. God is faithful. He’s SO GOOD and He never stops surprising me. I’m in awe of His works tonight. Please continue to pray for Mom. Your prayers are heard and are being answered. We are more thankful for you than you will ever know.