Here’s to 2021

The year that never quit. The year of heart ache. the year of grief. Looking back at what so many of us endured this last year is overwhelming and honestly gives me the biggest pit in my stomach. Some of my closest friends and family lost children, mothers, husbands, friends and grandparents. Some watched family members suffer and fight for their life. Others, are still watching loved ones fight. I think I will always look back at this year with a since of “It was awful but we made it.” Personally, most of 2020 was spent watching my Mom fight for her life. It was spent hearing bad news morning after morning and constantly being told “things will never be as they were before.” Sitting here today, I have to kind of smile at that phrase. They were right, things will never be the same as they were before, but they were wrong on who they said it about. You see, as 2020 comes to a close... my Mom is the same as she was before this most recent hospital admittance. In fact, she might even be stronger. It’s me that won’t ever be the same. I will never again take my families health for granted. I will never let a day go by without letting someone know how grateful I am for them. I won’t ever again go to bed without vocally praising the Lord for what He’s done for my family. I won’t ever let a moment go by without sharing His goodness. 

 

So tonight, as we watch 2020 come to a close, I pray that all of you leave this year changed. I pray that we all enter 2021 with a new perspective and a renewed sense of gratitude for the little things in life. I can’t promise that 2021 will bring better things for us, in fact I’m sure that not much will change in this world in the coming months.  COVID will still be here, restrictions will still be in place, people will still be without jobs, family members will still get sick and loss will still occur. These things we can not control, but our hearts and outlook we can. I know, for sure, that every moment will be savored in my house. We will make new memories, celebrate every occasions and do it surrounded by those we love the most. We will spend more time loving on each other and less time worrying about what tomorrow holds. We will go to bed each night thankful for the day we had and rejoicing in the fact that our bills are paid, we have a beautiful home over our head and our family is healthy. We will give tomorrow’s worries to the Lord and take each day, day by day. 

I say this often but more than ever, I’m praying hard for my family and friends. It feels like every single day I wake up, I hear of some other tragedy surrounding a different person. It’s heartbreaking and honestly has left me speechless these days. I’m not sure why there has been so much devastation these days but I am sure that not one moment is going unseen by the Lord. Through every sickness, job loss, accident and death... you are not alone. He’s with us all, all we have to do is lean in and let Him hold us. I know for a fact the only reason I was able tot survive 2020 was because of the Lord. Our family walked through some really dark times this year and to call it a nightmare is an understatement. But, somehow we made it to the other side and are stronger because of it. I pray that if your 2020 was similar to mine, that you allows the Lord to hold you as well. I pray that you let him carry you and like me, made it the other side stronger because of it. I pray that your relationship with the Lord was strengthened and not weakened and your faith is bigger now than ever. I pray that you are walking into 2021 more faithful, hopeful and stronger than you’ve ever walked into another year before. I pray that you use today to look back at 2020 and say, not again.  Not another year of fear, heartbreak and devastation. Let’s all come together and pray blessings of health, wealth and strength for our country. Let’s speak wholeness and goodness over 2021. 1 Peter tells us “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit”. Let us speak into existence good days and fruitful life. Let’s lift up our world and speak away the sickness and death that is  surrounding us. Life and death are in the power of the tongue and I am speaking life over my friends and family. 

Please join me. We love you all and are looking forward to seeing and hearing about the abundance of blessings your family will receive in 2021. God bless you all! 

Two years...

Two years ago our life changed forever. A surgery that was suppose to give my Mom a chance at a new life and the hope of a heart transplant, ripped more away from our family then I ever thought would be possible. 

As much as I love Christmas, this time of year is so hard for me. 

 It’s overwhelming to read back on Facebook memories and see post from shortly after Mom’s surgery. You see, about this time of night two years ago... we were being told that Mom’s surgery was as much of a success as we had hoped for. She was doing great. They were going to close her chest the next day, and she was on the road to recovery. Our family was celebrating. We were eating cheesecake in our hotel rooms and praising the Lord for what He had given us that night. We had no idea what the next 72 hours were going to hold. We were blissfully ignorant of the hurt and devastation we would face in the days ahead. 

 I remember distinctively laying in bed the night after Mom’s surgery unable to sleep. My heart was heavy and I had no idea why. I had no reason to worry and no reason to be awake after such a long day. Something inside of me knew that it wasn’t over. I remember looking at the clock at 2AM and opening my phone and googling “LVAD surgery survival rates”. As thankful as I was for the positive update on Mom, I was still so concerned. It was like the Lord was trying to prepare me for what was to come. He was. Looking back, I can see Him in every single thing that happened. I could sit here and write for hours telling you how certain things played out that prepared me for other things. I won’t bore you with those details, I will just tell you that He was there. Even on a night where all was well- He was preparing my heart for the devastation that laid ahead. 

 Looking back and remembering December of 2018 is one of the most painful memories I have in all my life. Things I saw and heard are forever etched in my mind and boy how I would give anything to have some of them erased forever. PTSD is real and if you’ve never experienced a traumatic event, you can’t begin to understand what it’s like. I often feel guilty praying and wishing away the events of December 2018. As awful as they were, they are filled with the most amazing miracles. Not many people can say that they watched color come back to dying organs, but our family did. After my Mom’s second LVAD surgery- she was unrecognizable. The image of her body is something I often wish I could forget, but then I wouldn’t be able to appreciate how she looks today. If you would have told me two years ago, that I would be spending this Christmas at home with my Mom this year it would have been hard to believe. As hard as this is for me to say, tonight I’m thankful for the hurt. I’m thankful that I still can remember how bad it was, so I can appreciate how good it is now. I pray I never take for granted how bad it was then and how good it is now. 

 I share all this with you to say- that no matter how bad it seems today, I promise tomorrow can be better. No, Mom’s life today is not what our family hoped for when she originally agreed to get the LVAD. It’s completely different than what we imagined. We hoped for a renewed life and none of us would say that Mom’s life now is renewed. Mom’s life today is full of challenges that I pray one day will be challenges of the past. But- Today is so much better than two years ago. Two years ago we were standing in deaths shadow. We were preparing for a tomorrow without Mom. We were being filled with hopelessness. Today, we are living. We are standing in the sun and being thankful for every single day. We are filled with a hope of so many more tomorrow’s. We are believing and declaring that our tomorrows are filled with renewed strength and continued healing for Mom. We are believing that Mom will walk again. Heck, I’m still standing on the promise of a new heart for Mom. You see- when you’ve been in the valley and stood in the shadow of death then you know that nothing is impossible for the Lord. I’m not fearful of tomorrow and I know that no matter what today’s struggles are, tomorrow can be better. 

 If you are in the valley today, I pray that you continue to lean on the Lord and allow him to comfort you. I pray you continue to push through and pray for brighter tomorrow’s. I pray that when tomorrow comes, you never forget about yesterday. I pray you never forget where the Lord brought you out of and what He did for you. I pray you never stop giving Him the glory. I will never stop reminding people of what I saw happen in December 2018. I will never stop praising Him. He’s so good y’all. Mom’s story isn’t over. In fact, I believe it’s just beginning. I believe her future is so much brighter than her past and the days ahead are good. I believe your days ahead are good too. This year- I want to pray for you. I promised the Lord in December 2018 that if He healed Mom, I would spend my days praising and sharing His name. So hear I am, telling you all that I want to pray for you. If you are struggling and need prayer, please reach out to me. I want to stand with you like so many of you stood with me. 

 We love you all and covet your prayers and sweet messages. XOXO Addie